The Most Difficult Year

Who would have known? Who could have imagined the months of turmoil and uncertainty that fell upon us last year? My favorite words to describe last year are the “Twilight Zone.” That is what I saw in California earlier this year and when I returned home- vacant streets, masked people, and dead stillness. The place reminded me of an episode of the “Twilight Zone” where a few people woke up to an abandoned world. Not only was I fearful because of the unknown and the misunderstood pandemic, but because my life had taken a turn for the worst. I lost a teaching job in Oakland, my health took an unexpected dive, and I felt as if my life was regressing instead of sailing forward as I had planned. I fell into a state of anxiety, depression- a dark room of hopelessness. Many days I cried and said, “God can you take me home now? Please take me out of here!” Usually, I would feel ashamed for revealing these thoughts. But not anymore because I know there are others like me. As the days and months went by, the Spirit revealed more and more to me about my crisis and dilemmas.

Fortunately, if there was anything I had a lot of, it was time and space. I had time to pray, meditate, read, write, and connect spiritually to everything around me. I looked, observed, and felt everything more intensely. Consequentially, I listened carefully to the voice of the Goddess within. The things that I thought were debilitating and disastrous were actually blessings and lessons. Regrets became almost nonexistent. Instead of seeing the glass half empty, I saw it half full. I saw methods to the madness, ascendance from the valley, and light at the end of the rainbow. I started to feel the clouds disappearing from around me and my steps becoming lighter and lighter. Smiles and laughter began to break through my face, my body could relax again, and I could start to sing and dance like before. I would open my door and descend toward the stairway without a thought or care about anyone around. I began to own everywhere I went and anything I did.

When I started to remember that nothing outside of me is greater than that which is in me, my life began to change. When I gained recollection of my mission and reason for being, I became uplifted and free. Very often, the vibrations surrounding me were low and dark. Nevertheless, I would observe and feel them- even sing and talk about them, and after, just let them go and watch them wither. Thankfully, the people and energies that once had a hold on me no longer could. How can light and darkness embrace each other? How could the darkness survive in me or around me if the light within me illuminates brighter and stronger each day? I remembered who I am. The grand delusion of this world will never fool or blind me again.

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